Gender Testing – Scottish Style

A few years back there was a leak from the IAAF  that a gender test was to be conducted on Caster Semenya,. It was a disgraceful exhibition of insensitivity. I hope they have apologised.

However in similar action by the Women’s Scottish Football Association a new approach has been undertaken to ensure fairness and transparency.

DNA and Chromosome tests will be replaced by…..

1. Did SHE use all 350 free mobile phone minutes in one day or did  HE  still have almost 300 left at the end of the month?

2. Did  SHE  consume almost two rolls of toilet paper in one visit to the loo, or did HE make a four pack last almost 3 months?

3. When requiring a loaf of bread from the supermarket did HE simply go and buy one, or did  SHE  require a full make-up session and dress choice before the two hundred yard journey?

4. Did  HE return with the loaf of bread or did  SHE  purchase enough food to feed the five thousand as well acquiring a handy combined cigarette lighter and letter opener which would be perfect for Aunty Gloria’s Christmas?

6. Did HE get to head of supermarket queue, fill bags and pay requisite amount or did  SHE  get to head of supermarket queue, fill up shopping bags and then take everything out again to retrieve purse and then get money out, before stating that an item had been forgotten and  SHE  would just hold up the whole friggen store while  SHE  sent HIM to look for a tin of Columbian dancing beans?

5. Did  SHE  spend much of the day looking for stray dust on shelves and ensuring that no trace of human habitation could be found or did HE use dishes one at a time until they had all been soiled and then began the cycle again with the least dirty?

7. When getting ready to play football, did HE quickly don shirt, shorts and boots as provided and go out for the warm up , or did  SHE throw the size fourteen top in the corner protesting that SHE could still fit into a size 10, and then spend twenty minutes stretching her neck muscles to examine the girth of her posterior in full length mirror.

Hail Hail

Matt

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